The Basics of Knowing What You Really Want: ‘…and Death Came Third!’ 10th Anniversary Celebrations

Ten years ago, in 2006, Peter Roper and Andy Lopata published the first edition of ‘…and Death Came Third! The Definitive Guide to Networking and Speaking in Public’ on Bookshaker. The book was a big success with over 2,000 copies sold in the first 48 hours alone. Panoma Press published the second edition in 2011 and negotiated a separate edition published in Malaysia and Singapore.

We have consistently been amazed by the affection held for ‘…and Death Came Third!’ by many readers, reflected by the emails and comments we have received from people from a range of backgrounds. The book focuses on the basics of networking and presentation skills, giving readers simple approaches to working the room at networking events or giving their first talk.

To celebrate this, we have got together with our network to provide a series of short ‘Basics’ blogs. Over the month of September Andy, Peter and Panoma Press owner Mindy Gibbins-Klein will share a guest blog every day exploring the basics of business, from the basics of confidence and attitude to negotiation and strategy. We have also made the Kindle edition of this excellent book just £1.99 or $2.99 throughout September, so if you haven’t read it yet, get your copy now!

Today, expert Jo Simpson shares The Basics of Knowing What You Really Want:

Do you ever get restless? Have the same recurring thought or nudge that won’t go away?, yet you dismiss it because it either doesn’t make any logical sense or it feels too difficult to make the changes required.

There is a part of us that always knows what the truth is about what we want and it continues to make us restless until we listen, embrace it and have the courage to act on it.

Most people don’t take the time to do the inner work to discover what is truly most important to them, so subsequently are unable to know what it is they really want and can go from one thing to the next and never achieve fulfillment.

For example, you may think that Achievement or Recognition is important to you and you strive to for this, only when you get there, you feel numb or “OK, done that, what’s next?” and the cycle continues…

The key to knowing that you want is to spend the time discovering, defining and igniting your core values.

Your core values are at the heart of every decision you ever make, every relationship you encounter and every goal you achieve whether you are consciously aware of it or not.

Lip service is often paid to core values work and people think Honesty, Trust, Respect and Integrity are their values and they may well be – Yet this is not the full picture.  The key is to truly know your values, define what they mean to you and understand the power of the priority order (which is often not what you think it is)

As a starting point, here are 3 Powerful questions to help you discover your core values.

1. What’s IMPORTANT to you?

Let’s say the answer is Family, you then need to take it further and ask…

What does Family give me?

The answer may be love, connection, support, fun, belonging  (it is these words that are likely to be your values and you will notice that they are transferable into other areas of your life i.e. If Support and Connection are important at home, then I would bet they are also important to you in your professional life too).

2. What do you ENJOY?

Let’s say it’s Skiing and you ask…What does skiing give me?

Adventure, Discovery, Connection, Energy

Again, I would guess these are important to you in other areas of your life too.

3. What FRUSTRATES you?

The answer could be deceit – now, this is not the core value – with anything that frustrates us or makes us angry, we need to find the opposite of it, which is the value, the core driver.  So, in this example, the value could be Truth or Honesty.

Once you have Discovered your Values, take the time to Define what they mean to you and then Ignite them in all that you do and notice that restless feeling turn to one of fulfillment.

To find out more and continue your values discovery journey,  you can order Jo’s book – The Restless Executive

Jo Simpson – Keynote Speaker, Executive Leadership Coach and Author of ‘The Restless Executive – Reclaim your values, Love what you do and Lead with Purpose”


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